that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
