Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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