wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
