She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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