I just saw a hot homeless man
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
