i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
