I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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