what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
