Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Randomize
