i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
and she was petting her beer can
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
