I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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