I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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