shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
