I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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