Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
