nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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