Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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