Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
