By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
