Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
