Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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