Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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