Rock
Scissors
Fuck
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
