I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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