K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
