Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
