Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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