the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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