I hate your face
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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