I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
