very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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