I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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