I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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