I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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