They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
