Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
