My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
