The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
