I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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