If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
