If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
