i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
