i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
