I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
