We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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