sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
