i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
