This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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