So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
