Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
