He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
